I’ve worked in creative fields my entire life.  I even majored in “pretending” in college receiving a Bachelor’s degree in Acting/Directing, and even with training, that full buy in to the given circumstances elude me compared to my son.  It makes me wonder how and when it all went away?  Is it possible to get any portion of it back? How can I ensure that Kieran gets as long as possible to explore the places his mind will take him?  I was lucky…  I had parents that encouraged the play that led me on those incredible imaginary journeys, and I certainly intend to do the same as a parent, but I want more.  I want to make roads in the dirt for MY cars with Kieran, and I want to be engaged in that world from dawn to dusk.  I want the call to come in fo dinner to be the same disappointment that it was when I was 8.

I seek this in my life…  I know that I will never attain the same level of suspension of disbelief, but perhaps I can access the suspension of time and space and invest fully in the creative projects I take on as an artist…  This, I believe must be the thing that separates good art from pedestrian art.

This is what I see in the work of Andy Goldsworthyor William Kentridge.  This is how Pina Bausch worked with her dancers or Mishel Gondry makes a movie.

This is how a street artsist like Banksy maintains his inspiration, or music like that of Hauschka’s continues to be new no matter how many times you listen to it. I long for this in my work.  I long to find my true voice, and to live in it fully as if the lava will destroy me if I don’t.

About half way there…

Part of why I embarked on a new life path recently was to address this issue, and I have to say, that it’s still REALLY hard for me.  About two weeks ago, I was faced with a BIG deadline.  Several farmer’s markets and juried craft shows had deadlines for early application guaranteeing best location or were first come first served setups in competitive markets.  I had very little product given that I am just up and running in the home studio and hadn’t even begun to think about what things would look like at a market.  Several sleepless nights and working to the point of exhaustion led me to meet those deadlines and as a result, last week I found out that I was accepted to all of the places I had applied.  Big relief right?  Time to take a break.  Well, turns out, that just spurred new anxiety.  Oh God!  I don’t have enough stuff for all those markets!!!  I have to get to work!!!  But determined to slow things down as I had hoped to do with this new life, I settled on the last week of March as a big push week for me, allowing for a little down-time to fill the well before going in to full production mode.

Well, as luck would have it, the weather turned beautiful, making it MUCH easier to work in the studio.  More anxiety.  Oh God!  It’s perfect weather to be working in the studio!!!  I shouldn’t waste this opportunity.  Again determined, not to let my over-active work ethic get in the way of some much-needed downtime, I resisted the temptation to work non-stop into the night.  

Then, however, the monster inside me took over.  I made the mistake of taking some of that down-time to look at my garden plans.  OH GOD!!!  Need to get the seeds started, and I haven’t even ordered grain, and the beds aren’t prepared for outdoor plantings that start in a week or two.  The Hugelkultur experiment that we are building this year is A LOT of work up front, but promises to reduce the amount of work throughout the growing season, so I’ve been committed to following through on the plans.  Turns out dirt is VERY HEAVY by the way…  So, under the guise of rest and relaxation, I began to use the warm days to get this garden ready for the season.  After taking it reletively slowly for about a week, yesterday, the monster won, and won big!  Digging about twice as much as I had on previous days, and really feeling the crunch of the approach of Spring, I completed about 48 square feet of Hugelbeds complete with a trip to salvage a downed Elm tree from Boulder.  THIS… finally broke me.  My back is cooked!  I couldn’t throw a pot if I wanted to right now, and the work-ethic demon, that won’t allow a single moment to go by unused has only been tamed by a body all too familiar with the excesses of this calamitous creature.

I had thought a couple of days ago, that by jumping on a St. Louis Blues best-in-NHL bandwagon I would help to slow down the pernicious personage of pain welling up inside of me, but alas, it seems that Hockey has only shortened the useable time in the day making the villainous varmint push ever harder to get a “Good Day’s Work” in.

So as I write this, hunched helplessly over at the kitchen table, the malignant monster works his magic through my fingertips, knowing full well that, with a Hockey game scheduled for 5pm and only 7 hours left in this work day there is bound to be some cyber-connecting, or inter-webbing, or photo-shopping, or just plain sketching that can advance it’s cause.  A world without breaks.  A productivity level unmatched by shipping jobs off-shore.  A broken body, but a completed project.

I’ve often mused in my life that if I just had all this time I was wasting working for others to do the projects I had in my head that I would not only be able to sustain myself with that labor, but live a more full and happy life.  I still think that is true, but taming this beast and putting it to work in smaller doses will be key to succeeding.  For today, I will try to rest… the body at least.

www.faiersandceramics.com

That got me thinking though…  Over the last several years I’ve been faced with learning curves on the steepest end time and again.  When you work on the production end of the Theatre at any level you are constantly faced with new challenges that you’ve never entertained before.  How ARE you going to get all of those T.V.s to come on at the same time and present the same image?  How ARE you going to get that real painting to disappear magically and display something else or lift the roof off the building?  How ARE you going to make that entire curtain fall to the ground in an instant on cue?  How ARE you going to make those two free-standing doors magically appear and disappear into the floor in 5 seconds or less without any noise?

So when I decided that I wanted to build my own website, knowing absolutely NOTHING about how to do it, I went through what I have learned are the 8 common steps in approaching daunting and seemingly insurmountable tasks.

1.  Denial – All good steps to deal with a problem in your life should start with this step in my opinion…  In the case of a daunting and seemingly insurmountable task it usually takes one of the following forms or both.  a).  Denial that the task actually exists, or b).  Denial that you will have any problem tackling the problem.  Both have surfaced for me on various projects, but regardless of which one takes shape, both give way to step 2…

2.  Procrastination – I LOATHE Procrastination, and yet, I employ it without fail in nearly every part of my life.  But if there is a time I am SURE to employ it, it is when I am faced with an enormously challenging learning curve…  Usually I will put off learning anything about the problem until I am forced to do something about it.  At best I will mull the problem over in my head a few times to get a good thesis in mind.  ***WARNING*** Educated guesses are a great place to start, but when combined with procrastination can produce sleepless nights and coffee overdoses…

3. Begrudging Acceptance & Decision to Start the Project – I recognize that it is counter-intuitive for any type of acceptance to come in the MIDDLE of any steps to solve great problems, but that’s just the way it is… If it weren’t for this middle step, these “seemingly” insurmountable tasks would fall into the JUST PLAIN INSURMOUNTABLE category.  So with head hung low and recognition of how much time has been wasted procrastinating, the project has at last become tackled, though at this stage it resembles a 13 month old clinging to the leg of his father and screaming as he sinks his hands into a pile of poopy diapers…

4.  Frustration – This frustration is primarily directed at this point toward software developers who think your issues are trivial and simple to solve, manufacturers who either don’t make the thing you have thought up in your head or cannot get said item to you overnight, or keyboards that clearly DON’T understand what you intended to press with your coffee-rattled fingers.  Though sometimes this frustration will be squarely directed at your dog who has decided NOW is the time that he needs go in and out and in and out the door…

5.  Depression – Usually, though not always, a time comes while tackling a daunting or seemingly insurmountable task where you will be convinced that there is no way in HELL you are going to be able to crack the code or make it work or understand what anyone is telling you.  It is just as easy at this point to go back to bed and give up as it was to procrastinate in the first place.  Often times I feel in this stage like just tacking on a few more days to step 2…  However, I also find that this stage falls just before the summit of the problem.  Keep going!  This usually happens at a point when I’ve realized that everything I’ve done will need to be scrapped and I will need to start over anyway, so why not just go back to step 2 promising to do some more “mulling”.  I’ve come to understand everything prior to this point as a Research and Development phase.  If you can overcome the hurdle facing you at this point and go ahead and start over, you’ll find that you’ve learned just about everything you need to know to make the project work…

6.  Flurried Excited Confidence – Once you start into the project anew, you will find you have a second, nay tenth wind, and can see the end in sight.  Creativity abounds and you CAN’T BE STOPPED.  During this stage you get great new ideas that may add hours to your project, but go with it, you won’t be sorry.  This is the Climax!  Everything is happening at once and you’re beaming with pride!  Go get em!

7.  Celebration – This is where I stop and have a beer!  Job well done!  Reminisce and think fondly on your vicotories.

8.  Ego Fulfillment – The unfortunate reality to overcoming a challenge like this is that your Ego will need some stroking.  I know I know I know…  Ego is the root of many problems.  I myself try every day to strip myself of the demands of the Ego, but it’s there and it’s loud in moments like this.  Do your best to recognize that very few people will care that you have overcome this challenge… In many cases it is indeed your job to have come up with the answer, so that said… FLAUNT IT!  Show the World!  YOU ARE GREAT!!!!!!!!!!  Just whatever you do… don’t look at your list, mine always contains at least 3 projects sitting idly in Step 2…

In other news, I will be bisque firing the first batch of rewards this weekend, and will be spending next week glazing and getting started on the second batch of reward ceramics.  It’s been cold in the studio, much to cold to coat y hands in water and clay, until the last week or so, but the forecast looks good for the next couple of weeks so I’ll be busting my tail as weather permits.

What have I been doing with my time when I’m not elbow deep in clay?  Glad you asked…  I’ve set up a first draft of my etsy shop, which you can visit here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/faiersandceramics

This will be dramatically overhauled once the backer rewards are finished, but for now, if you want to add to your shipment, you can purchase made-to-order ceramics here.  Once there is an overstock of items, I will list them individually.

I’ve also been updating my blog, so stop on by and click the follow button to stay up to date on all that dribble too!  There I’ve been dreaming of permaculture and planning this year’s garden…

http://tinderlight.com/

See the full PDF here - 2012 GARDEN PLANS

I used to be a production manager, so I like things to be organized, but I admit, this might have been a little over the top, but then I saw a new App for the iPad, which, in a much sleeker form was setting up garden organization in the same way.  Here is the link for all that are interested from Mother Earth News, which is admittedly a bit of an obsession these days when it’s too cold to work with wet clay in the studio.  Behold… the Grow Planner Gardening App. Now, as I am trying to limit the amount of stuff I buy in the name of Artful Simplicity, I am not going to go and buy an iPad in order to use this App (though the little consumer devil on my shoulder says that I should).  But I was very excited to see that the documents I had already created on my own were essentially the same templates being used by these incredible resource and organization tools.

To explain how I am using this document a little more, it may help if you know a little about the concept of Square Foot Gardening.  Mel Bartholomew wrote it all down years ago and has revised his practices recently in the All New Square Foot Gardening book released in 2006, which you can likely pick up at your local library.  The basic idea is that by planting different plants next to each other in easy to access raised beds with good soil mixtures that help with water retention you are cutting down on the amount of work per square foot and increasing the yield.

Knowing what to plant, and how much is a consistent problem for beginning gardeners such as myself, so like I said, I like to DREAM BIG and reign things in.  The document I shared above let me start with what I wanted in my dream garden, then think about how much (i.e. how much do I get from a square foot and how many square feet will I need), then lay it out into potential beds.  I started by making a square (1″ X 1″) for each vegetable, herb, or grain including the various varietals.  Then notated in the box, when they should be planted in my zone and how many square feet I intended to plant.  Then color coded the various types of plants for easy reference.  Now, armed with an icon for each square foot I intended to plant, I could plan out my raised beds.  I decided to go with 3′ X 3′ beds or 9 square feet per box.  Then began playing with the tiles until my boxes looked like this…

See the full PDF here - 2012 GARDEN Layout

In the end, this comes out to be about 250 Square feet…  Like I said, perhaps a little too ambitious, and honestly, I’m looking at places I can cut down, not to mention the fact that since we do not have seeds

from last year, I’ll need to purchase the seed for most of this, which makes for a fairly substantial capital outlay.  This of course got me thinking about how I can cut down on expenses, and while I probably don’t need 7 varietals of Melons, I’m eager to  test as many varietals as possible to see what works well for us here.  So how else can I cut my expenses?  With 26 raised beds needing to be constructed and filled with good soil, it started to look like I was going to have to start the daunting task of reigning it in.  My spirits were lifted as I started combing Craigslist’s free page for materials and started in on some more research through a couple of Permaculture websites suggested by a friend while visiting him in Durango, CO on our way back from California.  He pointed me towards Paul Wheaton’s work  in the permaculture community which I’ve been aggressively consuming since arriving home.  His work with Hugelkultur is inspiring and I highly suggest taking a look at his article on the subject in Make It Missoula here.

That said, there are many fantastic people around the world working with this technique and it’s worth falling down the rabbit hole if this does indeed spark your interest.  Essentially, this technique uses old wood (though fresh cut works as well) as a base layer, upon which, your raised bed is built.  The decomposing organic material (i.e. tree branches and other discarded wood, leaves, etc.) creates a rich environment that replenishes the soil’s nutrients constantly and creates air pockets for roots to grow into.  Even more impressive and important, especially here in arid Colorado, the decomposing matter acts a sponge, which holds on to water and provides the plants growing above a consistent source of moisture.  It’s a raised bed ecosystem, not just a pretty place to put some flowers.  There are a number of different ways to employ this method, one of which is pictured above in the construction of a berm, which is most efficient because plants from all around the decomposing wood have access to the store of water, but it can be done in the ground as well as in bordered or more traditional raised beds, like the one directly above.  I will be implementing this method in my raised beds which will reduce the amount of soil I need to use (most likely what I dig up as a bed for the wood to go in to will be enough when layered back over the top along with some compost) and it will reduce the amount of irrigation needed throughout the drier months in our growing season, not to mention, the decomposing matter will create a heat bed that will keep the root systems warmer, providing a longer growing season in my own little micro-climate.  And how about this for an added bonus…  By burying felled wood and decomposing it underground, I am not only using the nutrients the earth has already provided eliminating the need for synthetic, or even organic fertilizers, I’m also… get this… sequestering CARBON!  Yes, I’m helping reduce the amount of off-gased CO2 from decomposing matter!  Beat that if you can!

AND THAT’S NOT ALL…  As I fell in free-fall down the rabbit hole, I stumbled, rather quickly, on to the father of the whole Permaculture Phenomenon.  Though the term, permaculture was coined by Bill Mollison and David Holmgren in the mid-1970s, Sepp Holzer has been doing it all his life.  In this video, he gives an overview of his life’s work, which is his vibrant mountain-side farm in Austria.

What’s clear in watching this, is that slowing down and really observing our own ecosystems brings a true wealth of knowledge, and that permaculture will be different from one side of town to the other.  As Sepp Holzer says, we must work in cooperation with nature, not against it.  I realize that I may be a little late in coming this man and his ideas, but he is none-the-less, my new hero!

Not to be lost in all of this is the beauty of the absolute simplicity and harmony with nature’s carefully crafted rhythms.  That beauty brings me full circle to the concepts I regularly spout here.  By rescuing materials from the dumpster or from Craigslist and reusing them artfully in my garden through the creation of  miniature ecosystems that harness nature’s simple designs, we have another embodiment of life lived with Artful Simplicity!

Now…  I’m off to rescue tree branches from yesterday’s wind storm!  Permaculture to the rescue!!!

Check out the current listings here and make them a favorite of yours if you have an Etsy Account.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/faiersandceramics

Off to the races and time to pay the bills.

Through Kickstarter, as many of you know and helped with, I’ve been given the fabulous opportunity to work and create from home.  The studio is up and running, if a little cold with temperatures in the teens over night, and nearly all of the infrastructure I need to be successful is in place.  2012 brings a new type of challenge.  Last year the question was “if”?  This year the question is “how”?

‘fAi(e)r’SAND Ceramics is official now.  It’s a registered trade name… It has a tax ID… It has a logo…It has a domain name… It has email… (you can email me at ben@faiersandceramics.com)…  It has tax write-offs… It has a car… It has a phone number… It has business cards… It has a studio… It has clay… and most importantly, it has T-shirts!!!  The “if” is settled!  Now comes the hard part.  Hard at work already, there is a mountain of work yet to be done.  The difference between the work I left a year ago, and the mountain facing me now, is that every item on my list fills me with excitement.  I can’t wait to check something off the list.  My challenge this year is to stay focused and transform this dream into a working reality.  The pieces are in place, now it’s time to oil the gears, turn the crank, and see what happens.  Here’s to blind faith, a dream, a community of people who believe in you, and the resolve to accept the world’s gifts and use them wisely!  2012…LIKE I MEAN IT!

As a rule, I don’t like being bad at things… I think most of us can say that, but in my case, I’ve got a history of refusing to admit that I’ve even tried something until I can say fully that it is something I believe I can be good at. With that in mind, it’s not in my nature to put myself out in the open with the possibility of failure. So in that regard, Ceramics For The Revolution was a complete leap of faith. I was scared shitless for the entire 35 days. I was constantly tweaking the project page, updating rewards, changing the language here and there, adding photos, changing photos, deleting photos. And many of those changes were made based on the incredible constructive criticism and genuine advice from friends, family, and even strangers in the Kickstarter community. Which brings me to the point of this post.

As I was sitting and staring blankly into my garage (the soon to be studio, furnished by the incredible faith of the backers on Kickstarter), I realized that this is not something I should do by myself. I said in an earlier post that the recognition that it is okay to ask for help and to receive it as it is given is not something that comes naturally to me, but it is integral to my success that I change that. Because of that strong dislike of being bad at things, I have, consistently in my life, not shared my projects with others until they are complete. Ceramics For The Revolution has been a departure from that by the very nature of asking for help before the studio is even a reality. Why then, should it stop now? Why should I not share the creation of that space through the acceptance of support where it is offered. This speaks to the Revolution of myself. Keeping that in focus is not and will not be easy, but it seems to be the real meat of the project to me, when all is said and done.

When I learned that the project had indeed been funded, there was an incredible sigh of relief that I could stop being scared that I would fail, but then I think I skipped right over the joy and put on my Production Manager’s hat. In the Theatre there are nearly always these constants: A vision, A budget, A deadline, and a critique. I went in to Theatre mode immediately and forgot that what I was trying to do was CHANGE my life. I was trying to move away from the constraints of the Theatre. I was trying to rid my life of the harsh and unapologetic deadlines, the uncompromising and sometimes narrow vision, and the end critique. I was trying to put away the notion that everything must be veiled in secrecy until the moment the curtain goes up and that getting to that final revealed vision was necessary by any and all means, including the sacrifice of self physically and mentally.

But, like Pavlov’s Dog, I hit the ground running with all of those same entrenched tendencies. It’s been a little more than a week since the project was officially funded, and it wasn’t until last night that I was able to sit in the garage and dream. That felt good, and it became crystal clear to me that I was resisting the real Revolution and doing only what I knew. The Revolution has begun, and therefore, it’s time to set aside those tendencies and look for what happens after the dawn. This life is not meant to be stressed. This life is full of wonder and verve. This life welcomes the chaos from which creations are born. This life seeks out and accepts help. This life is willing to fail in the pursuit of a more meaningful and connected existence. This life creates for love.

It is impossible for me to speak from this place without having received the incredible love and intention from so many during the last month and a half. It is my task now to take that love and intention forward in all that I do. Not only in my pursuit of Ceramics as a lifestyle, but in my love and support of others and their dreams. Much love!! Ceramics For The Revolution!!!

Beyond the support directly related to raising funds towards a particular project, (In this case the shamelessly promoted Ceramics For The Revolution which you can find here http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1684337467/ceramics-for-the-revolution) this experiment in faith has been awe-inspiring.  One week ago I set out to follow my dreams, with an admitted concern about whether anyone would care… The support I’ve received, while incredibly validating in terms of my personal goals and dreams, has had a more profound affect on me.  Because of the incredible support I’ve been shown, I’ve realized how intimately connected we all are, regardless of our proximity to one another.  I’ve realized how much we deeply care for one another, beyond the clicking of a mouse.  I’ve been surprised by people whom I haven’t seen or talked to in years and their interest in what I’m doing with my life and have enjoyed reliving moments from my past as a conversation starts over where their lives have taken them.  I’ve learned that we all change and our assumptions about those we thought we knew are almost always wrong, and if we can hang on long enough to find out what they’re about, we may find a new friend blossoming out of an old one.  Most importantly, I’ve found myself much more interested in what others are asking me to take a look at in life.  I’m more interested in other’s posts, comments, blogs, responses, etc.  I feel more connected now than I have in years!  I feel like we CAN affect one another, we CAN help one another, we CAN support each other, and that’s amazing in a world where we’re increasingly insulated from one another.

The project that I’ve launched and have mercilessly promoted day in and day out for the last week is not possible without the support of others.  I knew that going in, but I wasn’t prepared for the enormity of that reality.  I need people.  That’s a hard thing to admit these days, but it’s true, and incredibly liberating to voice.  The unintended consequence of launching a project like this is that I care more deeply for more people than I realized.  The care was there, but I’d lost the connection.  If nothing else, I’m so glad life has thrown me this lesson.  You can believe something is true, and talk about it as if it’s a mantra, but there are certain experiences in life that force you to live it for real.  Needing other’s help is one of those experiences for me.  I’m deeply humbled and grateful, not only for the support in this project, but for the lesson that letting my guard down and asking for help can be EMPOWERING.

CERAMICS FOR THE REVOLUTION!!!